Glen Eades' column in the Magnolia Banner News:

March 2, 1990

Gold-Digging Magnolia Females

   Stories continue to surface regarding last month’s tornado warning.  The memory of husbands and wives spending the night in hallways and closets – the closest some had been in 30 years – brings smiles and chuckles.  And there are accounts of panic stricken residents who paced the floor in their BVDs during the storm while trying to remember when they went to church last.  Many who stay in trailers became overnight guests of friends and relatives who reside in plank houses; and discussions linger about the possibility of trailer houses attracting tornadoes.

   Last week, my cousin Billy Joe and his friend Bubba Earl donned their pressing-shop cleaned double-knit leisure suits, jumpered the pickup and attended some young ladies on a blind date.  Returning home a short time later, they charged through the door like a jersey bull and sat motionless until bedtime.  Their week was ruined on account of two gold-digging females more interested in an expensive Magnolia café than romance.  They admitted to a restaurant bill big enough to embarrass an Arkansas politician with a state credit card.  Broke, the pair returned to Brister while Bubba Earl complained, “I’ll never go out with any Magnolia wimmen again.”

   After the romantic interlude, my cousin and his friend dug some worms, loaded the pickup with food staples and a jug of stump-rot, and made plans to spend the week fishing with Elvis on Dorcheat.  They returned the next day after a conflict of interest involving musical tastes.  It appears Bubba Earl preferred listening to Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart recordings while the opposition demanded Willie and Tammy.  Billy Joe remarked, “Too much talk about vintage wine and long-hair music from people who wear 50-cent gold chains and drink a liquid recently brewed at Shongaloo.”

   Following an incident involving a man who was shot for driving too slow, Mayor Mullins reports Emerson residents rushing to and fro and driving too fast.  It has been reported that dogs and cats, and even the train, have been moving faster than normal.  The mayor reports Emerson folks figure all honors concerning the recent frontier image, credited to the likes of John Wesley Hardin, would be more befitting to Deadwood or Lorado. (Mr. Hardin once shot a man for snoring.)  Can anyone imagine Winston, Larry, Herbert, Thomas, Curtis, Louie, Talmadge and Tommy packing a loaded six-gun while strolling down Mainstreet Emerson on their way to the OK Corral?

   A letter arrived at Mayor Mullins’ office announcing the upgrade of the Emerson Fire Department to Class VII.  Hard working volunteer firefighters continue to lower home insurance rates, and Emerson residents should qualify for another rate adjustment after March 1.

   The Emerson Purplehull Festival, scheduled for June 23, is expected to attract arts and crafts, dated artifacts such as “one-lung” engines and horsedrawn wagons, food fair, country and gospel musicians and a bike race.  The first World Championship Rotary Tiller Race will be held at the festival.  Tiller race entries from other states and countries are advised to write Mayor Mullins at Box 275, Emerson, Ark. 71740, or phone (501) 547-2220 for details on the world class event.

 




 




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Phone: (870) 547-3500 or (501) 416-4657
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